LAST ROUND OF AUDITIONS

OK, this is IT. Can you make the final cut? Will you be one of the few Twitter-friends who will comprise the talented pool of individuals creating our rendition of "On The Turning Away"?

SINGERS: This is the crucial last round for you. Here is the qualifying question:
Can you come in at the right time after the instrumental break? You MUST be able to do it FIRST TIME, no rehearsal.

MUSICIANS: Here is your final round of questions. Let's see if you have what it takes:
1. Do you own a private jet?
2. Are you willing to donate $250000 to this project?

Well, how did you do?! Let me know!

THE FIRST BATCH OF BLOG REVIEWS ARE NOW IN!

I’m sure, like me, you have been eagerly awaiting the first reviews of my Hashtags & Musings blog. Well, the wait is over!! Here they are:

“I haven’t been this disinterested in anything for a very long time. Bravo!” ~ Hollyweird Reporter

“Little or no attention should be paid to the crazed ramblings of a disturbed mind. This woman clearly needs professional help.” ~ Psychiatric Times

“If this were MY blog, I certainly wouldn’t want my name attached to it” ~ O No! Magazine

“The part I enjoyed most was closing my browser” ~ TV Guidance

“If banality was her goal, then she deserves hearty congratulations” ~ Bitchiness Monthly

“It showed promise at the start but the subsequent decline in viewership leads us to believe it won’t be around for much longer.” ~ Network News Magazine

“I think her time could be spent better elsewhere” ~ Personal Productivity

“I LOVE IT!! One of the funniest blogs I have ever read. Keep up the excellent work” ~ BAR magazine (visit us at BuyAReview.com)

SECOND ROUND OF AUDITIONS

I hope many of you managed to make it through the first round of auditions for the upcoming history-making Twitter musical event. If you did make it, don't gloat for too long - things get tougher from here on out.

Music is a big part of the Clanger lifestyle

And so, without further ado, here is the second round of auditions for the Twitter rendition of Pink Floyd's "On The Turning Away":

In order to continue on to the next round, you must:
1. Be able to play an instrument or sing (Bagpipes, recorder, or triangle do not qualify - regardless of any passionate proclamations of proficiency)
2. Not have an enormous ego
3. Own a cat (Ok, I lied about this one. You don't need to have a cat. But preference will be given to those who own a cat. Just sayin')

THANKS

Most, if not all of you, do not know all that has been happening in my life over the past 12 months. I'm not ready to discuss it - perhaps never will be - and I'm not sure you would have any interest beyond simple curiosity anyway. But that's not the point. I'm not here to seek sympathy; I am here to say THANK YOU! Because although you are all virtual strangers, many of you have, unbeknownst to you, given me the opportunity (through Twitter) to reap the stress-reducing benefits of raucous laughter induced by your tweets. Some of you have also displayed an unusual amount of kindness that has, on more than one occasion, made me seriously ponder what on earth I could have ever done to deserve such great "friends".

Don't panic, I realize that friendship is not quite the correct description for our relationships, but I have yet to find a term that defines it more appropriately. "Acquaintance" seems too cold; "associate" too business-like.

I could go on for 17 paragraphs but I vowed to myself to keep this post short and sweet, and so I shall end by simply saying YOU ROCK, and, in a very non-creepy way, I love (as much as you can love someone you barely know) each and every one of you.

Sincerely,

Me. x

YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU

SOME TWEETS THAT I FELT DESERVED MORE ATTENTION, RECOGNITION & PRAISE. AND CERTAINLY MORE REPLIES & LOLs

AA Bottom #OppositeRockBands

.@DanSackheim There's nothing like Twitter to help boost self-esteem. At least that's what my therapist keeps insisting.

I may start attaching version numbers 2 my tweets so u'll hve a better idea of the mental anguish I go thru just 2 try 2 entertain U. (v1.7)

♪ I'd catch a parade for ya, throw my hand on some Glade for ya, jump in a puddle of rain for ya... #thingsiddoforyou ♪

@gibsonguitar "Nashville shows Hollywood the right way to remake a classic" (in response to a competition to come up with a 10 word or less description of the new Les Paul replica)

Remake everything #HollywoodPostItNote

"Sorry you didn't get retweeted today" #newHallmarkcards

PET TIPS: Never place your tortoise perpendicular to the wall. Also, during training, tortoises will respond best to a calm but strict voice

@OrangeyRoughy @hallmarkpr "Sorry your violent torpedo of truth was a dud" #topicalcards

#thingsyoullneverhearonTwitter : I wish Clangerfan1 would tweet more often.

Plane crashes on Island with lots of make-up, pretty people roughed up, MONSTER, JACOB, sexual tension, WTF, hatch, NO!, yes #LOSTINONETWEET

Was in a lrg grp of ppl tonite - spoke directly @ 1 of them & they REPLIED! Nearly passed out from shock. #mayhavebeenonTwittertoomuchlately

OK, decided to turn all my lights out for #earthhour. Fell over the cat, hurt myself very badly, having to be airlifted to nearest hospital.

#iseewhyyoumad ... because you are unable to string five words together into a grammatically correct sentence?

Twitter is to logic as elephants are to Venus.

Can life imitate Twitr? 2moro I'll print out my tweets, read them aloud as I walk thru town &see if I can get 168 ppl to fllw me. #piedpiper

#100factsaboutme FACT 38: I make beautiful mosaic pictures of celebrities out of crumbled bacon.

Fllwing the success of my 1st book "10 best ways 2 teach ur cat yoga", I'm working on my next: "10 best ways 2 teach ur tortoise to kickbox"

Un#ff Unfollow anyone who fails to use the word "spleen" in any of their tweets today. #randomdiscrimination

AMBITIOUS PLANS

ATTENTION MUSIC LOVERS! Sometimes weird but oddly awesome ideas pop into my head – like how cool it would be to perform a rousing Twitter-friends rendition of Pink Floyd’s “On the Turning Away”. #stickwithmehere

I can picture in my mind how brilliant it could be. I have grandiose plans. And I am just crazy enough to think they might actually work. Won’t you join me in this insane endeavor? Details will be revealed as we go along. COME ON! COME PLAY WITH ME!!

Oh, wait, you DO have to audition first:

FIRST ROUND OF AUDITIONS:

You will get through this round only if you:

1. Have heard of Pink Floyd
2. Love their song, “On The Turning Away”

#easyfirstround

#ridiculousharebrainedschemes 

A WARNING

If you will be coming here solely for laughs, you will be disappointed. While I shall indeed attempt to entertain you with humo(u)r at various times on here, please do not be shocked if you find the following types of posts in the upcoming weeks/months:

My love of photography, music & other creative things
Indignant rants about humanity
My not-so-humble opinions about TV shows/acting/writing/producing/directing
My love/hate relationship with Twitter (possibly including references to people who are ON twitter)
Sarcastic passive aggressive musings
Vague and disjointed thoughts & ideas
Heartfelt monologues
Crazy competitions with or without silly prizes
Prolific re-use of material previously tweeted by me
Shameless promotion of other people's things that I like

Oh, and I also enjoy polls. Be prepared for some more of those in the not-too-distant future.

I heartily encourage comments and will block any of you who refuse to leave them on a regular basis. (I'm kidding, of course) #orami?

Please be advised there is NO GUARANTEE, either stated or implied, that you will find this blog even remotely entertaining. Reader assumes all responsibility for any feelings of annoyance, outrage, bitterness or self-loathing that may result from reading my posts. In the highly unlikely event you should die laughing while on my blog, I shall be released from any or all culpability and your family will have no grounds upon which to seek any form of compensation. 

ENTRANCE POLL

Thank you to all of you who took part in my two polls. You are my reason for living. Well, you are at least my reason for continuing with this blog. #andforthatiamgrateful